You look at your mom, smiling at you, and you realize that you will never get to live with her as
a child ever again. The next time you see her, you’ll be an adult and she’ll be old. That’s the pain
of loving somebody, you want things to stay the same forever just when it gets good.
You look at my mom the moment before you move across the world to be born again. Just this
time, it’s not from her womb. You see her smiling face. She used to tell you stories about when
she was your age, and one day you’ll tell her the same stories she told you.
You won’t run into her in the house anymore. You won’t eat her meals. You wont get to run to
her when a laundry problem arises. But you know she’ll stay right there in the same place she
has always been, and when you come back, she’ll see how much you’ve grown.
You could’ve had that conversation instead of staring at a screen. You could’ve come home early
and eaten her home-cooked meals. You could’ve left the door unlocked instead of living
separately in the same house. Why didn’t you do that when you still could?
You have been living in this house, counting the days until you could leave. and now it’s too late
to decide you want to stay.
But, you want to stay. You want to be a kid again and have her hold you up with her two hands,
but she can’t anymore and you can’t even hold yourself. You want to go back to being that young
kid who wasn’t ashamed of her mom, who didn’t care what her friends thought of her mom, who
didn’t get annoyed every second her mom asked a question.
Mom, I want to stay.
Krapook Yanitta is a 17-year-old student from Bangkok, Thailand. When she isn't writing, she's playing the violin, reading a riveting novel or crocheting plushies. Krapook is the founder and editor-in-chief of her school newspaper, The Newtonian. Her writing is featured in Gasher Press, Litro Magazine, Outlander Magazine and more.