this is healing by Arushi Rege (Arizona, 17)

Trigger Warning: eating disorder

you could feel my bones / you didn't have to try / it’s okay / this is my fault / the only thing i was
ever told / how pretty and thin i was / eventually / i had to keep going / i couldn’t stop / it wasn’t
anybody’s fault / i’m not sorry anymore / don’t touch me / you can encircle my waist with a hand
/ i’m trying to get better / i promise / i can’t stop / i don’t want this anymore / i don’t want to
spend my meals / thinking about calories / hunched over toilets / trying to get rid of my lunch
again / the yellowed toothbrush in the corner / i want to get better / i can’t stop / you can still feel
my bones / you don’t have to try / please don’t touch me / an apple has ninety-five calories / i’m
going to eat all of them / out of spite, this time / i’m not going to spit them up / in that bathroom
upstairs / when i have the chance / i’m not sorry anymore / leave me alone / i’m handling this
just fine / i can’t stop / healing isn’t linear / i am healing / slowly / i am tiptoe-ing across the
finish line / but i am healing

Arushi (Aera) Rege is a queer, Indian-American poet who simultaneously attends junior year in high school. In their free time, they compete in speech and debate, stress over college, and attempt to be a normal teenager. They tweet occasionally @academic_core and face the perils of instagram @aeranem_26.