Breaking Her Silence by Ramona Gore (New York, 21)

A woman dressed casually in jeans and a blazer sat in front of a well-known talk-show set. Her hair was perfectly arranged and makeup expertly applied. She stared at the camera with a fixed smile on her face. The woman had done this hundreds of times before and was about to do it again.

“Here with us today we have Monica Cruz who was a contestant on the popular reality tv show Camp Castaway,” she introduced, earning a round of applause from the live audience. The woman shifted her attention towards the guest. “Thank you for agreeing to speak with me.”

Monica gave a shy grin. “The pleasure is all mine, Diane. I absolutely love your show.”

“You flatter me,” she laughed. “Now I’ve heard you rejected all interview invitations up until this point. Can you tell me what changed your mind?”

“Well,” Monica started, brushing a stray curl from her face, “I was just really afraid that anything I said would get twisted, and that my image would be distorted even more than it was on the show. What I did on Camp Castaway was not okay nor was it the impression I wanted to give the audience. But it’s out there. People have opinions on it. I think it’s about time I reclaim the narrative.”

Diane raised an eyebrow. “On Camp Castaway, though, you had confessionals. Did you not feel heard then?”
“I was often in a bad place when I said the things I did. I would never have said any of that normally. I was just venting. It wasn’t something I was prepared for so many people to see.”

“But do you regret saying the things you did? I mean, some of the things you said about Roxie were… harsh.”

“It certainly got stans doxxing me,” Monica said, blandly, “and while it would make things so much easier if I said yes, I won’t. What viewers saw on their screens was a somewhat sanitized version of what really went down. The way the show was edited gave the impression that what I said was uncalled for. Even if I could have expressed it more delicately, Roxie did things in cut footage that I felt justified my reactions. But because the producers wanted to make her the underdog or the loveable misfit or whatever, it was never aired.”

“Really? Roxie? I can't imagine her doing anything bad enough to warrant that kind of reaction.”

She huffed. “The editors certainly did their jobs then. But yeah, she had some comments about those of us with disorders. Like, she gave me a lot of flak for my anxiety. She said it was all in my head and stuff like that. I got sick of it so I let it all out in the confessional.”

“What about the other contestants? Did any of them try to support you?”

“They either ended up like me, weren't around to hear, or thought that was how reality tv shows were supposed to be. Not much we could do beyond distancing ourselves from Roxie.”

“On that note, there have been several collaborations between your fellow contestants since the show has ended. Can we look forward to seeing any reunions featuring you in the future?”

Monica adopted a grimace. “I don't really talk to them.”

Diane leaned forward. “Why is that?”

“I don't have anything in common with them. I think the only thing we shared was trauma from the challenges, which were most likely illegal given how deadly they were. And trauma is never a good basis for a relationship. I wanted something realer than that, but none of us know how to function around each other without falling into that reality TV show mindset. That's not healthy. So I don't, you know, talk to them.”

“What about your friendship with Betty?” Diane inquired. “It was certainly heartwarming from what us viewers at home saw.”

Monica shifted in her seat, playing with the cuff of her sleeve. “Well, she got wrapped up in her fifteen minutes of fame and couldn’t spare any more time for little old me. I can’t say I remember the last time she didn’t leave me on read. I guess there’s not much room for me in her life right now.”

Diane gave a nod before proceeding to the next topic. “Recently, everyone's audition tape has been made public except for yours. Why is that?”

“I actually hadn’t applied to be a contestant so there’s no video like that of me. I was originally supposed to be an intern. There was a mix up or something and I ended up competing with everyone else.”

“And yet you managed to get to fifth place.”

Monica laughed, shoulders relaxing. “And yet I managed to get to fifth place, yes.”

“What else can you tell us about your time after Camp Castaway?” She settled into her chair.

“I went to therapy—I can admit I went to therapy. I was placed in a high stress that I couldn't exactly walk away from. So I sought out help afterwards.”

“But there must have been some good things to come out of being on the show,” Diane pressed. “I’ve heard rumors about you being asked to direct a movie currently in development.”

Monica shook her head. “I'm nowhere near ready to create my own TV show or movie. I think it's great that I've been getting offers, but I want to go to college before I dive into stuff like that. I have done a few cameos, though. Getting to hang out with the crew in between scenes is pretty cool.”

“Well, we’re almost out of time but I think the big question on everyone’s minds right now, especially with talk of a season three, is do you ever see yourself appearing on another season of Camp Castaway?”

“Not even if they paid me a million dollars.”

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Ramona Gore is currently a Cinema and History major at Binghamton University, minoring in Asian and Asian American Studies. Her work has been published in Duck Duck Mongoose Magazine, Idle Ink, coalitionworks, Roi Fainéant Press, Haunted Words Press, and All Existing Literary Magazine.