A Mother’s Love by Akanksha Pampangowdgari (USA, 17)

​I never promised you the world
But you expect it from me anyway
And when I inevitably fail to deliver
Well-

​-I can’t stand the way you look at me
Like it’s so difficult to find something in me to love
I wish this was the angsty teen in me talking but
You’ve told me that much yourself

​It seems that your love
was not meant for someone like me
When you said you wanted a daughter,
I don’t think you meant someone like me

​Once
You said that my biggest flaw was that I talk

​Without a care of who’s listening.
All I’ve ever wanted was for you to listen

​I’m one wrong word away from
taking a vow of silence

​You said that I only had you in this big, scary world

​I can’t even count
How many times you’ve told me
There’s no one else I can trust

But that day
You left me stranded
Crying in a Walmart

And as everyone looked on
at this pathetic child
​
I’ve never been more alone

​You said that you love me-

Liar.
You can’t even bear talking to me

​(I’m sorry.
I know you care,
That all the pain you give me
you carry from your youth)
But knowing is not a salve
for this family heirloom

​You said that I’m cold-hearted

​I see you
When you mentally cross out another emotion you think I can’t feel
When you say I’m incapable of caring about anyone but myself

​But all I’ve ever done is care about you
And, looking back,
I think I’ve lost my entire life

Sometimes, I wish I didn’t
             Love you,
             Your Precious Child

Akanksha Pampangowdgari (she/her) is a senior at Obra D. Tompkins High School. An avid poet and researcher, she has dabbled in writing genres all across the board and can be found on Instagram at @floodedrollercoaster. After a years-long writing slump, she discovered her passion for poetry. Akanksha often enjoys taking on art projects above her skill level and taking long, contemplative walks thinking about just about anything.